Friday, April 24th, 2009
In wine there is the Connoisseur.
For the Connoisseur there is the Rating System.
Together they are: the C.R.S. (Connoisseur Rating System)
Manifesto on the C.R.S.
In defining the wine Connoisseur we must understand his basic needs:
- Wine (Perhaps not so obvious to the nay-sayer and remaining prohibitionists with grudges the size of Jeroboams)
- Vessels from which to drink the wine, e.g. Glasses, bowls, tubs, barrells.
- Rich vocabulary and metaphorical sense of Language
We may now define the Connoisseur. The Connoisseur is a seeker of wine, the end-product of a long labor of liquid love, who is in possession of state-of-the-art drinking apparati and replete with a barrage of descriptive words, ideas, places, and metaphysics often employing a heinous juxtaposition of such devices. (An uninterrupted cash-flow is helpful in the absolute sense of the definition).
In defining the Rating System we must understand these basic principles:
- Fruit
- Minerals
- Acidity
- Alcohol
- Structure
- Color
- Vocabulary
We may now define the Rating System which will be employed herein throughout. The Rating System will henceforth be referred to as the C.R.S. (Connoisseur Rating System). To accurately determine whether a wine will be rated with the CRS system, please look for these words in this order: “CRS Rating.” The CRS Rating system, or CRS Point System, otherwise known as the CRS Wine Buying Criteria, occasionally referred to as the CRS Point System and Rating Guide will employ the use of descriptors and non-descriptors, vocabulary and imperatives, imagery and metaphor with the following numerical point system:
Wines will be rated, or scored on a scale from -350 to Infinity, where “-350” represents the score of a liquid unfit to be deemed a “wine” or even a “liquid” for that matter. A score of “Infinity” shall represent a wine of outstanding character having scored rather well in all matters of the CRS Rating system.
Descriptors shall be employed with occasional abbreviations, e.g., D.B.O. (Dense Blueberry Overtones) and G.T.T. (Graphically Textured Tannin) as well as H.O.C.F. (Hints of Carbon Footprints). (Generally all descriptors will be employed in the full and unabbreviated sense of the word or words).
To Recap — The CRS Rating System in a nutshell:
- Wines scored from: -350 to Infinity
- Wines descriptors: Full and Abbreviated words
- Suggestions for Drinking or Storing: O.K. (Drink Now), N.O.K (Drink Later), X.X.X. (Do Not Drink Ever)
As we continue this journey together, Wine Connoisseur-a-Wine Connoisseur I look forward to drinking, delighting, and helping you choose the wine that is right for you or for someone you may or may not know.
