Well, they’ve arrived: the same email(s) year-after-year – sent exactly one week before Thanksgiving – with a very, very witty subject headline, “What I’ll be drinking next Thursday” or in the case of some true drinkers like the good people at Moore Brothers whose subject headline was misspelled: “…driniking…” (I think Greg, you’ve already started!)… WELL, here’s what I have to say about this:
Perhaps because I am a person who enjoys finding offense in nearly everything, I took an opportunity to feel as though all those emails about what other people will be drinking come Turkey-Day were simply bragging rights, with snob-nosed emphasis on “I’ll” … “What I’ll be drinking…” I know it’s a “marketing ploy” – I mean, take for example a silly email from a rep at Italian Wine Merchants in New York City – the Rep says that he’ll be drinking these wines:
Well, I have to say sir, I’m impressed that you alone are going to pound through 12 bottles of delicious Italian wine. Now look! I know he is going to share these bottles with friends and family, but the email doth begin, “Just wanted to share with you some of the wines I will be drinking on Thursday” So, in fact these are only some of the wines! There’ll be more! The more the merrier!
I’d like to take this opportunity to share with you a few photos of wines that I have recently drunk and I hope that you enjoy my detailed descriptions and trademark Connoisseur Rating System ratings. I’d also like to let everyone know that next Thursday I will be drinking gulping tasting through hundreds many fabulous wines while reclining on a deck chair looking out over the Pacific as my father-in-law wonders just how much money I’ve really been making. He has a wine cellar 3,000+ bottles strong and I have demanded that he take me to it (it’s off-site). I’ll be enjoying these wines alone with many-an-extended family…
So, recently, I, Jonny Cigar, have had the pleasure of tasting:
CRS Rating & Notes: This wine waited 22 years for me to drink it! Purchased at auction (Brentwood) and drunk in Brooklyn, this wine had a nose like a $2 bill. The color was exclusive. The taste was indecipherable – like reading Simone De Beauvoir. Drink then through now. CRS Score: 4.3 Million Bottles of Beer On The Wall.
CRS Rating & Notes: In 1996, when this wine was conceived, I was still trying to decide between soccer and play-rehearsal. Coming from a small town, this was a tough decision. A Mosel wine, a Riesling with just a bit of residual sugar this wine demanded our attention, literally, pounding the table with glorious sing-song exclamations! A Spatlese is a “late harvest” wine, meaning it’s the kid who comes in last during the mile-run, but boy is it a good tasting finish. CRS Score: Pluperfect.
CRS Rating & Notes: A 2008 Pinot Noir walks into a bar. Bartender says, “How’d they pick you?” And the Pinot Noir replies, “Kiss my ass, sister, and get me a PBR.” That’s exactly how we drank this… sip of wine, can of PBR, sip of wine, can of PBR. Only kidding! This wine tasted like these adjectives: delectable, coy, jammin, free-spirited, loosey-goosey, noir, dark and stormy, summer rain, prohibited. A delight to have around the family. CRS Score: One free ride on your local county fair’s Zipper!
CRS Rating & Notes: Now this was one hell of a wine. Let me tell you. Can’t have too many glasses of this one before the Silverado Trail there in Napa becomes little more than a trail you’re plowing through a vineyard. Yes, this wine is a good wine to keep around the garage. Non-Vintage, something about Port, nice amber color makes you think it’s a Sauterne, but it ain’t, it’s simply put: composure. CRS Rating: Best-ever and there’ll never be a better rating never.